i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
