i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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