I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
tell me about the eggs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
