FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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