Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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