Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
