She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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