Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
