Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
