"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize