I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize