i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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