She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
