So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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