A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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