loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
