My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
