I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
