Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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