i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
