i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
