what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
