We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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