Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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