Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
