i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
