My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
