We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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