im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it hurts more in the daytime
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize