She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
