she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
