So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
