my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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