remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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