omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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