You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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