I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
