My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
