I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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