I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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