Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
