I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
