I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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