I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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