from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
