You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
