How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Couch. On fire.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
