The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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