fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
