I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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