It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
