forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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