Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
