plz talk dirty to me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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