why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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