3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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