dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
