I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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