This is not my ceiling
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
