i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My bed smells like the plague
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
