my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
