i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
