Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
