Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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