whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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