who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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