I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
