Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
