i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
