Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
