I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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