Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
