HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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