a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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