so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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