some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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