He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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