Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
