So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Alive.
So much puke
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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