Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
