He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
