If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
