She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
