he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
