and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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