took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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