i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
