so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
