it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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