We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
