I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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