she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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