It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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