1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize