In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize