idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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