Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got inside last night via doggy door
did i just pee glitter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
