I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
