I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
