and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
