I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
