chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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