So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
