shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
