Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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