She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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