he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
