listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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